Recently, I got dumped. Not gonna lie, it wasn’t mutual. Long distance relationship ended. boom. gone. After 3 months, with a break in between. Staying up until 5 am talking, sneaking him over to mine, and feeling like i made someone happy.

Lets call him, Lea*.

I didnt know how to feel. And I still don’t. But good things can come from bad situations. Right? Im Questioning myself, it’s what I do. 

That relationship, we did alot of ‘firsts’. Well, for me anyway. 

Sex for the first time,

I love you for the first time. 

I don’t regret it. 

However, the whole time during the relationship. I had self doubt. I knew he was too good for me, and that he could of course do better. And I hated the thought I was bringing him down. Me, in a little country town. Him, in a city. 2 hours seperating us.

Weeks later, I find out, he lied. He lied, to get into my pants, and he lied about past girlfriends. I still dont understand why. 

Many friends of mine, tried to look out for me. However, for some reason I ignored every word. Ignoring the fact that everything they said, ended up true.

I didn’t know how to react, or what to do. Breakups are my weakness. Well, that and seeing people cry. So, i tried to delete, but saved his msgs in a different folder in my phone.  Deleted his number.
I wanted to be the bigger person, in this situation he had said he wanted to stay pals, but alas had made no attempt. So i text him, and we ended on good grounds. I like to think I was the better person here. Ironically, we haven’t spoken since.

I never wanted to be that kind of girl that lets boys define her. and change what she’s about. But i have to face it, Thats what I had become. That’s what i was. Am? was.

After texting me, with a breakup letter, he accidently sent me a msg, obviously not ment for me, saying ” its 6:27, movie starts at 7:10. pick you up soon.” He’s moved on. 2 weeks later, with the girl i questioned him about liking, but of course he said ” what? no way”.

I’m a different person, with a new outlook on life. Starting with this new blog, seeing good of bad situations.  Ive learnt from that past experience, and it has had both positive and negative affects.

I’m not gonna lie, Im really not over it. I can’t see one bad thing about him. But it’ll get better. I know it will.